Foodie Alert

secret ingredient: fun

Maybe I'm making up for the 18 years of cable-less living I endured pre-college. Maybe I'm avoiding my essay on the classical doctrine of democracy. Either way, I find myself increasingly engrossed in TV. Specifically, Iron Chef America on the Food Network.

If you're not familiar, ICA is a spin-off of Japan's Iron Chef. The premise is two chefs squaring off for an hour of cooking with a surprise ingredient. When the time's up, the dishes are judged on flavor, presentation and originality. The battles take place in "Kitchen Stadium" a huge set aptly named with a stove, boiler, a convection oven, waffle maker, etc. all at the chefs' disposal. Each challenger, usually a semi-famous chef of an up-and-coming restaurant, gets to choose one of three show incumbents to go against. There's Cat Cora, a chef known for Mediterranean infusions, Mario Batali, the "King of Authentic Italian", Masaharu Morimoto the master Morimoto-san, and Chef Bobby Flay, the guy who always wins.

Since the chefs don't know what they'll be cooking with, they have to come up with recipes on the spot--it's doing improv in the kitchen ("cut the the scene with the baster")! Each goat taquito with queso fundido is a triumph of culinary genius, and I'd be lying if I denied my chef aspirations. Let the records show as an adolescent, I spent an entire year attempting to perfect le sugar cookie.

Today's featured ingredient: breakfast. A deviation from the usual single item show, chefs in this round had an hour to spice up sausage, saute bacon and beat up eggs (they deserved it). When the final bell rang, the judges, who became less articulate were treated to an impressive array of delicious foods. Stop it. Bacon Flan with Spring Asparagus? Stop it. A plate of Lobster with Home Fries as an homage to the Northeast? Shut yo mouth. Pumpkin Custard French Toast with Blackberries and All-spice syrup? Marry me, Flay. Divorce your wife and marry me.

I suppose my affinity for this show also has something to do with the gastronomic gulag that is college. After four years of lettuce stems, heat lamp pizza, and a dessert known simply as "ice milk," I'm looking forward to living in a space where I can make cereal sculptures and mango purees. In a related story, I just ate a bag of Twisted Puff™ Cheetos® for dinner.

In a country where 5 year olds have Fatty Liver Disease, it's no coincidence the mini ICA marathon is followed by the special childhood obesity. That's why it's important to eat that Chile Relleno and Picadillo of Goat in moderation. And skip the fried Oreos.

Bon-A-not so petit, America!