Diet Joke

diet coke plus: because vitamins are fat.

The Coca-Cola Company released the latest in a slew of soda variations, this time taking form in new "Diet Coke Plus." According to DietCoke's website, every 8 ounces of "Diet Coke Plus" provides all the original carbonated benefits along with 15% of the daily value for niacin, B6 and B12, and 10% DV dose of zinc and magnesium. Customers who prefer the flavor of Diet Coke yet want Plus' benefits are encouraged to bite their fingernails.

It's official: Chicago may be the future home of the 2016 Olympics. Accordingly, in the Chicago Olympics all batons will be replaced with 100% pickle, onion, sliced tomato, and pickle relish-topped Vienna sausage, swimmers will dive for deep dish, and athletes will be forced to hurdle cut-outs of Oprah circa '85. *I love you, Oprah*

Lindsay Lohan recently told Allure Magazine, "It's so weird that I went to rehab...I don't know that I'm necessarily an addict." When asked what her future plans were, LiLo responded, "..to keep everyone around me happy." Hmm. Is there a Wonderland for approval addicts?

Future mega-hit Spiderman 3 comes with a disclaimer: Spidey will get got. The Chicago Red Eye quotes Topher Grace, who plays Spidey's nemesis Venom, as saying, "Are [audiences] ready to see Spider-Man's ass get kicked? Aren't you sick of him winning all the time? So I'm going to step in and regulate." Grace, known for his work on That 70's Show, is also handy with the steel if you know what I mean. Mount up.

Station BET, better known as Butts Every Time, announced plans to premiere the first scripted series in it's 28-year history, a sitcom about a group of black slackers called "Somebodies." Though a cast has not been disclosed, SS suspects Morris Chestnut, Gabrielle Union, Bill Bellamy, Karrine "Superhead" Steffan, at least one angry scene with Angela Bassett, and introducing Tyrone AnDem. Seriously though, any producers need a WA?