You Get a Car! And You Get A Car...

You Get a Car! And You Get A Car...

YAY!

My Reese's Puffs Rap

God bless the people who write copy for the back of cereal boxes. Here's the rap I've created by following the guide on the Reese's Puffs box. The selections I've chosen are (in parenthesis).

My Reese's Puffs Rap

That peanut butter chocolate (I must confess)

Is the (Duo) that I (Savor) that (I must possess)

Reese's Puffs Reese's Puffs, In your bowl, In your bowl!

Recognize the taste that I (Flavor)

Reese's Puffs Reese's Puffs,

Wow peanut butter chocolate (Craver)!

So crucial to my (Crunching) vernacular,

That peanut butter (mix) is oh so spectacular!

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs!

My Reese's Puffs are (L-l-lyrical)

Each peanut butter orb is (a miracle)!

Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs, in your bowl, in your bowl!

FYI: School Spirit Tic Tacs taste like

cherries.

And Lance Armstrong won't take out the trash.

crazy melons

After losing a particularly succulent piece of honeydew to the accumulated dust of the outdoor patio table, I asked myself why I contintued to dump said freshtly-cut pieces into an overcrowded bowl.

Why keep doing what doesn't work? Is not this a definition of insanity?

It made me wonder what other succulent pieces of s*hit I tolerate.

Here's a list:

1- 3AM text messages from 53-year olds.

2- Procrastination (more on this later).

3- Waiting until I run completely out of socks. I mean, there's a free w/d outside my door. I have to walk past it to fill my eco-friendly canteen in the morning.

4- Library Fines. Sure, it would take 10 seconds to renew online and yeah, there's the link to do it, but do you actually know anyone who ended up in the poor house from fifteen cents a day? Me thinks not.

5- Cougar Town, with Courtney Cox. What? Some of the dialogue is snappy.

slice of life

The carrot cake is so sweet my tooth ached on contact. Doesn't help that I have a cavity. Two cavities. Okay, three.

The 23rd Street Cafe

box of to-be-hung pictures

horoscopes taped daily to the back of the espresso machine

a fire extinguisher loose 'n ready

non-denominational colored lights on the patio

huge slice of carrot cake with white leaves of chocolate

upbeat but un-annoying music

I swear they deliberately made that dog look sad.

Tidbits

1) Who is this tall drink of water?

http://www.apple.com/iphone/guidedtour/#medium

2) Black people date by taking each other to three dollar-sign restaurants.

3) Shouldn't water filtration systems like Brita and PUR use something other than plastic containers?

4) New Zealand Jazz apples taste like candy.

My $40,000 Opinion on...

Just started watching Lost (I know, right?) And I decided to share my thoughts. In the future, I hope to compile this list of running thoughts into more of a... system... but for now, consider these notes I'd give in the writer's room. In my head.

On Ep. 12 - Fire + Water

-Why is Liam in a diaper in Charlie's dream? I get that he's Liam-grown-up, but is it really necessary to put that grown man in a diaper? Do you think the audience won't "get it" without adult diapers?

-Charlie has a dream (again) that Claire's baby is stuck in his piano. The same piano that he was gifted when he was child to enable him to save the family with his music. He looks up to see his mother and Claire dressed like the angels at the cradle. How much did that scene cost?

- Charlie recounts the dreams in front of Mr. Echo. Out loud, his character agrees with the insane nature of the dreams. Feels like a self-reflexive moment.

- Michele Rodriguez asks Jack if he's "hitting that," referring to Kate. Would she really say that? Felt less an Officer Cortez moment and more a "Michele Rodriguez would say this moment."

- The scene where Charlie and the failed members of Drive Shaft are dancing, dressed like babies, in a gigantic crib, feels as degrading to watch as it is for the characters to perform. Worse yet, it feels like amateurish writing. "What's the most degrading thing they could do?" "Dress up like babies for a diaper commercial." How about stealing money from their own mother? When she thinks things with the band are still going great?

- I get that the piano is the object that shows Charlie's character journey through the episode. We see when he gets it, how it is meant to impact his life (save family with music), Claire's baby is trapped inside it, linking his family's safety with the child, and Charlie and his tweaked-out brother write a song together "like before," so things are looking up until... Liam sells Charlie's piano (ie. their hope of being a family) to get the money for a plane ticket to Sydney. So he can be with his wife and newborn. Aside from being spoon-fed the metaphor... can you really buy a plane ticket with a twenty-year old standard-issue piano?

- Then Locke keeps the Virgin Mary Heroin? hmm......

On Ep. 13 - The Long Con

-How does everyone understand Korean?

-Sawyer's gun lust feels unmotivated. Which Kate addresses at the end of the episode with, "I don't think this has anything to do with guns. I think you want people to hate you."

- Hugo is Od'ing a bit on the "wide-eyed kid" routine. His die-hard optimism is starting to wear on me.

- Charlie is John Locke's nemesis? Yawn.

Running List of Men I would Currently Marry: UPDATE

Name: Terry O'Quinn

You May Know Him As: John Locke, resident boar-hunter in ABC's Lost.

Why We're Bethrothed Hypothetically: His cheeks look good for kissing. And he has kind eyes that sparkle when he says or thinks of something funny. Basis for a fruitful matrimony, right?

Favorite line: S1-E13 "Sometimes I'm sneakier than I give myself credit for."

Am I right, guys?

In which Denis Leary plays "the straight man."

I love this scene because it'd be fun to act. It is almost improv. And I hate this scene because it makes women look as dimensional as a cardboard cutout with a hole for a mouth who interprets innocent references as infidelity. Since all women are like this, why not make love to a picnic table? A: Picnic tables can't make frittatas. And they'd probably accuse you of ogling a jogging stroller.

Stuff You Need in Your Life Right Now

The Rockapella Folger's Commercial

He has to pull the microphone away like that.  It enables the soundiness.

Running List of Men I would Currently Marry

Name: John Scurti

You May Know Him As: Lt. Lou Shea from FX's Rescue Me

Why we're betrothed hypothetically: Because he knows how to have fun.

Favorite Line: SE5 - EP17 - "They're women, Tommy, they've got more strings than a god-d*mn baseball."

What I Made For Brunch!!!

Lightly toast an English Muffin.  Spread with light margarine.  Slice 3 oz. of chicken, layer between stalks of lettuce and tomato medallions, and sprinkle with a tsp. of parmesan.  Enjoy with your favorite summer melon :)  

 

Kyoto Daitoku-ji Temple Zuiho-in Zen Rock Garden

Photo by Glen Allison / Getty Images

The Brownie Batter Blizzard has been HAUNTING MY DREAMS!

According to the commercial, the DQ Brownie Batter Blizzard contains, "rich brownie batter and real brownie pieces." The medium weighs in at 950 calories, 43 fat grams and 5 grams of fiber. That's 22 Weight Watchers Points, i.e. what I eat in an entire DAY. I'd rather wake up eating my pillow.

UPDATE: 8-17-2009

So, I went home for a few weeks this summer. Because LA is a soul-sucking vortex at times. Especially if you're like me, and prone to staying indoors.

There's the DQ near my house, across from a bar/restaurant that does Karaoke on the weekends. The kind of place I imagine serves rare steak really rare and well-done extra crispy and doesn't tolerate too much in-between.

Anyways, there's a DQ across from it, and I wanted, this summer, a Brownie Batter Blizzard from there. Specifically. But I told myself I couldn't have one. And ate a low-calorie snack bar. And another. Then another again. Until I successfully conquered an entire "Reduced-fat" exclamation-point box. Then, I got in the car, adjusted my mirrors, drove to the DQ, ordered my blizzard, drove home, ate three bites, and was satisfied enough to throw the soggy, beautiful mess away in the trash. Lesson learned: When you want what you want, what you settle for won't do. Even if it's low-cal.