The Morning After

Waking up after a fast food binge is like waking up after a one-night stand. Head's groggy. Sense of disorientation. Wendy's and McDonald's wrapper strewn carelessly about the floor. And most of all: a sense of regret. Mixed with indigestion.

Since it's not often I indulge in drive-through delicacies (I've got a figure to maintain, boys), I'll run through the inciting incidents of the event, if only as a tool for future prevention. So, without further ado:

~*~*The CHRONOLOGY of a Fast-Food One-Night Stand*~

8: 00 AM- Woke up tired. Bleary-eyed despite a full 6 hours of sleep. Below average, indeed, but not something crazy. Like 3. Or none. Still, I'd spent the night previous freaking out about an upcoming pitch. I called a friend who talked me down from my emotional ledge and suggested I break the project into smaller, more manageable pieces. Shit advice if you ask me. Went to bed by 2 AM.

9:30 AM - Cup of soymilk and a Quaker Oats granola bar...breakfast of champions.

9: 43 AM - Turn ignition on my rental car, the Suzuki SX4 Crossover. My Lexus is in the shop. My stupid, ugly, too-expensive, always-has-fucking-problems Lexus. And the CD player in the Suzuki actually works. Listen to Acapella gospel music on the way to class. Breathe a little.

9:58 AM - Walk into class. Head felt like a cotton ball. Eyes dry. Vagina normal. Listen to teacher give talk on story structure. Attempt to take notes but realize while I remembered my presentation, I forgot my notebook. Scribble "build sequences out of active goals" and "The Essentials of Screenwriting by Richard Walter" on back of a handout. Eerily calm about presentation. Eerily calm or too drained to experience human emotion.

10:50-11 AM - Class Break. Head to bathroom. Attempt to fluff out hair. Am surprised to see my eyes don't look as beady as they feel. Inhale/Exhale for two counts. Say a little prayer for (you, specifically).

11:03 - In class. Stretch. Miss the opportunity to raise my hand to go first and get it out of the way. F.

11:05-11:35-ish- Listen to classmate's presentation. His notecards look way more professional. F. And he's going scene-by-scene; I'm only going beat-by-beat. Double-F. Smile and nod politely.

11:38-12:05- Pitch movie to class. Nervous first 2 minutes, then calm, then relieved. Teachers says, "Good." Mission accomplished.

1:15- Hungry, hungry, hungry. Buy chicken soup at Thai place. It's too hot (temperature) to eat immediately.

1:20- Buy chicken patty from Jamaican place. I DON'T CARE HOW THEY MAKE IT! Eat it in the car.

1:45- Top off rental car at gas station. Buy candy and coffee.

2:30- Home. Presentation over. This week. Car repaired. For now. Pop in Curb Your Enthusiasm. Proceed to eat everything in sight.

6:50- Ten minutes to class. Getting hungry. Browse display case of Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Iced latte it is.

9:43- In class. Officially hungry. An hour to go. Go to the "bathroom." Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf officially closed, 10 minutes ahead of schedule. F-diggity.

10:15- Classmate orders pizza. Pony up 2$ for a slice. What's that, every article about late night eating ever?

11 PM- Still hungry. And frustrated. Long day. The perfect storm of fast food dining. Jack in the Box cheeseburger and chicken strips, anyone? Sia-nara waist.

TAKE AWAYS: More sleep, more breakfast, less procrastination, and plan more food options for on-the-go. And cats. Maybe I need cats.