Happy New Year.

Happy 2008, friends!

Unlike 98% of Americans who are obese but don't need to be craned out of their living rooms, this year I don't resolve, once and for all, to "take control, eat right and exercise so I can be there for my kids" (insert blubbery tears).

Actually, I didn't make any resolutions. But since I like lists, here's a few things I realized last year.

. : . 2008 Revelations . : .

1) The body is a wonderland.

For years I refused to be one of those stupid bimbos who got by on looks and blowjobs. And I still refuse. But I realized your body is the one thing you carry around with you everywhere, and while it may be convenient to down a foot long sub and bag-o-chips during finals week, in the end it just makes you feel inflamed and shit.  Scientifically speaking.

2) Yoga is great.

Okay, so I can't put my leg over my head (see item #1) but there's something about yoga and the practice of conscious movement that will change your life.

3) You can't control other people.

I figured this out eight years ago when Val-Kilmer-as-Batman didn't show up outside my window ready for action. What I really mean is you can't feel responsible for others' reactions.

Especially at 1:23.